I’m going to read this every day until it gets through my thick fucking skull.
Reblogged from http://www.2baware.net/relationships/forgiving-is-a-gift-to-yourself/
Why do we need to forgive?
Forgiving is a gift we give ourselves, it gives us freedom from negative emotions and power to move on with our lives!
When somebody or something has caused us pain, we can be overwhelmed by anger, frustration and sadness and as time goes by, we can get stuck in a cycle of blame. The more we ruminate about what caused us pain, the more we let our negative emotions control our life, and by doing so, we lessen our quality of life.
To get to the point where we can really forgive and not be hurt anymore, we need to recognize our own power to change our feelings, expectations, and behavior.
Forgiveness is not about who caused the pain or why, forgiveness is about our own self, it is about breaking the negative cycle and regaining power over our life. About becoming stronger, not a victim.
Even though our feelings need to be validated and recognized, we can’t always depend on other people to validate them. If we receive an apology or a compensation from someone else for what they did to us, great!, but even if we don’t, it is possible to move on and to let go of the pain by forgiving.
Forgiving is about how we choose to deal with the anger and pain that someone or something has caused: we can let it ruin our lives or we can move on and thrive. We can make choices about how we want to live our lives, and by making the right choices, we can be free of grudges and unhealthy anger.
It is important to remember a couple of things:
– Forgiveness and Reconciliation does not necessarily mean the same, we can forgive, regardless of whether or not we can recover a relationship that has been damaged.
– Forgiveness is not about absolving wrongdoing, but rather about stopping the waste of energy that goes into resentment.
We have a choice to forgive or not forgive, we can determine what road we want to walk.
Here are a few tips to deal with resentment and hurt caused by what other people say or do to us:
It is important to remember that people are fallible and so are their perceptions, opinions, and actions. People don’t always intend to hurt us, sometimes people are incapable of behaving differently because of their own limitations; by accepting this fact, we can start by not taking things so personally.
If you find that you are constantly having negative feelings about something that happened in the past, try to clean up your mind every time negative thoughts arise by diverting them, not letting them take over you: going for a walk, listening to music, exercising, meditating, etc. whatever can quiet your mind will help, and you need to do it as soon as you start noticing negative thoughts.
Think about the ill effects of harboring resentment: you are probably missing good things that are happening in your life right now, you may feel unhappy and bitter, or your health may be faltering… Wouldn’t you rather let go of resentment for good?
If your pain is so strong that you can’t possibly forgive, don’t be afraid to seek help, professional help, to find a way out of the pain, you deserve better!
“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Hannah More